Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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