Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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