Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well I just put wine in my tea
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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