Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
bring money and cleavage
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
