I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
