my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
