Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
