I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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