You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
