Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
