he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
