this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my liver is dry heaving
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
