i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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