Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
