i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
