I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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