Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
