i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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