okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
