He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh god it's open bar.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
