last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
