You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
