You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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