Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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