I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
