I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
