If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
