we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
