My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
