apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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