This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
