Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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