Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
