I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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