Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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