I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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