I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
