none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
