the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
