drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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