Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
