I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
