I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
