I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
