I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
