I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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