I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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