the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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