i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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