he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
