I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
