just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
